Remaining centered

The past few months have been very tranquil and meditative for me, and I think they have been a bit slow for everyone, as Mars has been retrograde. For me this time has been very healing. Slowly I have moved out of stress and out of feeling guilty over not doing all those things that main stream society expects us to do. I have moved into a realization of a deep dilemma that has been very ingrained in my soul: I have believed that there is no way out of the trap of having to put up with just about any work, no matter how dreadful one finds it, to be able to survive (I wrote about this in my previous post). This dilemma seems to be clearly illustrated astrologically in that transiting Uranus, which is moving over my MC, is also opposed by T-Saturn, hovering at my IC - the dilemma of freedom vs security, where Saturn (security) previously has won at the expense of my spirit (I also have Saturn square Uranus natally).

Uranus the awakener

Saturn natally squares my nodal axis, so it is a critical planet in the understanding of difficult karmic stuff for me. The realization came about during a past life regression, so it was not just a mental understanding - which, I think, is why it brought about such a profound release. It all peaked when i had to make a decision about how to handle a possible job offer - a job I did not want but felt obliged to accept if I would be offered it. The regression helped me solve it, and after that, the Universe showed me that all was well by making me "stumble over" the course in organic farming/gardening that I have now finished the first week of! I'm amazed to have this happening to me!

I call this post Remaining centered because this seems to be the great challenge right now. All is well, but I have to make an effort to remain myself among other people and with a more busy schedule. In order to be able to write, I need a lot of time so that things can grow and become conscious in my mind before I can put them into words. I have less time now, but I really don't want to let go of this blog. I feel that this, too, is an important part of this transit of Uranus to my MC, as Uranus does represent astrology among other things. The course in organic farming ties in with the Taurean parts of my chart I feel, and that is partly my South Node. But the South Node is not isolated from the North Node - the direction of the Soul in this lifetime - and Uranus is conjunct my North Node after all. So I really will try to keep on writing in this blog and hope that it will help me remaining centered. And I hope that the readers that have found their way here will keep on finding it interesting!

I hope that you've all had a good start of the new astrological year starting at the spring equinox of last Saturday!
I wish you lots of love and joy!
Anna

Going with the Flow - Jupiter through Pisces

A couple of weeks ago I found the wonderful Gaian Tarot, created by Joanna Powell Colbert (http://www.gaiantarot.com/). This deck has so much to offer right now! It is created to mirror an earth-centered spirituality, and it has neither patriarchal nor ethnical bias. It focuses on healing, and on the fact that as we heal ourselves, we heal the Earth. Each week Joanna presents a Card of the Week for reflection, and last week it was the Explorer of Water - quite a lot about Going with the Flow. Joanna writes:

When he catches a wave, he is pulled into the present moment, hyper-aware and effortlessly concentrating. Just like in meditation, he will end up rigid and tight if he tries too hard to control his mind. The wave then overtakes him and he wipes out. But if he finds the sweet spot where all is effortless, the wave will carry him with exquisite grace.

In retrospect, I very much feel that the Explorer of Water sustained me during the past week. I had a lot of things on my schedule that seemed scary and new, and I also felt that I was faced with a huge dilemma, that seemed unsolvable in my mind, and which had me completely teared up last weekend. But this past week showed me that if we can decide to dive into it all - step up to the challenge with an open attitude where we are trusting, clearheaded and openhearted - we will be sustained and guided further onto our path.

The dilemma I was faced with was that I had been called to a job interview and I felt intensely that I did not want the job. But out of fear that I would lose my unemployment benefits if it turned out I had said no to an interview, I couldn't see I had any other alternative than to go to the interview. A few days before the interview was to take place, I was scheduled for a past life regression, and it turned out to be very helpful in understanding this dilemma. The regression did turn out as a mix of both real past life memory and kind of a symbolic inner journey. The common denominator was the dilemma of boundaries versus freedom - Saturn versus Uranus basically. The main character was a man who was so burdened by his duties and he couldn't find any other way out of it than to take his life! He longed so much to be in nature, and to be in the water (his yin, his feelings), and hated intensely to go to work in the big, dirty, noisy city.

In my natal chart I have Saturn square Uranus! And right now, as I have written about before, my IC/MC-axis is being affected by the Saturn/Uranus-opposition. The regression made me realize that I have really come into this life with the attitude that life is a life-long burden, with no way out other than death. So extreme. But now I have the chance to resolve this dilemma, and this knowledge means so much! It made me actually feel that I could go to the interview, be honest about how I felt about it all (in front of the interviewers), but also to feel that it would be OK if I got the job, and also if I didn't... And so I went to the interview with an open attitude.

Then, the day after that, an entirely new path opened! And Nature stepped in. I watched a TV-show about gardening, which I so much feel I would like to do some day - have my own garden and be able to cultivate vegetables and perhaps tend some animals in order to be at least a bit self sustaining. I got inspired to do an internet search for cooperative cultivation, and I found there are some projects going in my own city. But, I also found a course in organic gardening in a beautiful park setting that I absolutely adore, not far from where I live! The course is also about restoration of old garden and park milieus, as well as how gardening and cultivation can be used as therapy!

I have written about how I feel so drawn to herbs, and it seems to go well with Chiron in Taurus. I would love to learn about the natural laws, and this course would be perfect! I have applied for it, and am waiting now to see if I will get accepted. In that case, I would start in just a few weeks, and keep going til the end of this year. After that, I would really have learned a whole new occupation, but most importantly, I feel I would have connected to Mother Earth much more profoundly. On Starchild global, the reading for March talks much about exactly this thing - the connection to nature and to the elementals (http://starchildglobal.com/) - scroll down a bit to get to "The emergence and the elemental synthesis: March equinox 2010".

Can you see how I have felt like the Explorer of Water this past week? I still don't know what will happen, but I feel so much freer now, and positive that things will unfold as meant for me! I so much hope for such a release for anyone who reads this, too! As well as much love and joy, continuously!

Warmest hugs,
Anna

An edit: I was just pondering how transiting Jupiter is moving through Pisces right now, and this takes place in my 9th house. It goes well with studies - plus natally, Jupiter resides in Taurus and the sabian symbol is A vast public park. So, Jupiter through Pisces seems to describe this new endeavour for me - and we're back to where we began: Going with the Flow. Wow! How much more Piscean can it get? Now I'll have to edit the title of this post..!

Dear readers, what is Jupiter in Pisces triggering in your charts? Where can you try to find the flow?

Hugs again,
Anna

Slowly with Saturn retrograde through my 4th

I have moved into a very inwardly focused mode. Soon already one month has gone by since I quit working. Time passes incredibly fast, and the days flow in and out through one another. But even if time seems to be passing at an intense pace, I still experience a slow pace inside myself. I am starting to really move out of stress, and instead I am almost beginning to experience the other extreme - I'm almost getting bored.

It seems to fit well with transiting Saturn going retrograde in my 4th house. Saturn began retrograding at 4.39 Libra on the 14th of January. That was the day before the Solar eclipse (it was also the day that I started this blog), which I experienced as a boost, but now that flow has somehow smoothed itself out, and I can really feel Saturn retrograde in my 4th, squaring transiting Pluto in 6th, as a hold-back for me now. This is OK! I can hardly expext to know right away how to shape my "new" life.

At the same time I'm SO eager to find that new direction! Transiting Uranus is working in opposition with transiting Saturn right now (although not to the exact at this moment - the first exact opp. was at 24 Virgo/Pisces in September, next will be in April this year at 28 Virgo/Pisces, then end July, 0 degr. Libra/Aries). When T-Uranus first hit my MC at 26 Pisces in June 2009, I could hardly resist resigning, but held it for a bit longer. Then Uranus started retrograding, but in September, when the opposition of Uranus/Saturn was exact, I decided to go ahead and do it! Resign!

Uranus retrograded back through my 9th house, back to 22.42 Pisces, and turned direct on December 2nd. On March 21st it will reach my MC for the 2nd time - and this is interesting, because this is the date of the Sprinq Equinox! This is the time when the new year REALLY begins! I just realized this, and I like it very much. The time between the Winter Solstice and the Sprinq Equinox is a time for reflection on the past year - not the very best time to set the intentions for the new year, anyway. So, I am thinking it's astrologically perfectly OK that I use these few months to get ready for the new.

I have a few embryos of plans - and today I ordered a little something to try to push myself in the right direction :). In my last post I talked a lot about Chiron, and in the book by Barbara Hand Clow that I've been reading, she mentions how Chiron also rules homeopathy, aromatherapy and other forms of energetics medicine. She moves onto using flower essences as an example, stating: "Minute quantities of flower essences are capable of causing a major shift in stuck emotional patterns, if a person determines the quality of an emotion and takes the appropriate essence to release it."

This had me remembering Bach's flower essences, which have fascinated me before, and I went to read about them again. And I found there's an essence, Wild oat (funny!), that seems to describe my constant dilemma. Wild oat "...is the remedy for people who feel they want to do something worthwhile with their lives but don't know which direction to go". (http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/38/wildoat.htm).
How great!

Hope you're all well,
much love and joy!
Anna